Marriage Counseling Frequently Asked Questions

That’s an excellent question. Years ago, I followed the traditional “by the hour” billing model, much like many other mental health professionals. However, my experience with couples taught me something crucial: genuine, lasting change often requires at least 12-15 sessions.

Here’s the thing. Our country’s approach to mental health sometimes falls short. Many individuals attend just a handful of sessions, typically when they’re grappling with a significant crisis. They discuss their issues, start feeling better, and then, as the immediate pain of the crisis fades, they stop attending. But in my view, that’s precisely when the most impactful work begins! With the immediate crisis behind them, individuals are more open, trusting, and optimistic. This openness allows for deeper, more transformative work — the kind that prevents the same issues from resurfacing a few months down the line. And building trust in the process with your partner and counselor? That’s a journey, not a sprint. A couple of hours simply aren’t enough.

Another observation from my years of practice involves couples, especially men. I used to receive calls from men suggesting we had “fixed” everything after a few good days. When I ask for their reasoning, it’s often something like, “Well, we haven’t fought this week, and we had sex…twice!” While these are positive signs, they don’t paint the complete picture. Experiencing optimism from a week without arguments and a renewed sense of closeness with your partner is a great place from which to really do the real work of building a lasting joy-filled marriage. It’s not necessarily a measure of marital success.. More often than not, these couples would end up returning in a few months, and we would find ourselves starting from square one.

I consistently encourage couples to commit to the process. Think of it like a gym membership. If you’re genuinely committed to getting fit, you might hire a trainer or join a class to keep you accountable. Similarly, in my experience, couples who fully commit to the coaching process achieve the most meaningful results.

When it comes to the investment, I’ve set up a unique approach where I charge a set fee for a dedicated period based on the program you are in. I’m not into the “nickel and dime” game many counselors play. If you show up and do the work, you’ll get the results and my services will be well worth the investment. If you don’t show up, I’m expensive. So show up.

Now, about insurance – it’s a bit tricky. Your insurance is all about the “medically necessary,” which means they’re looking for an “identified patient” with a diagnosable condition. So, while they’ll cover “mental health counseling,” they won’t cover our journey of strengthening the “We” in your relationship. And trust me, you don’t want one of you labeled with a diagnosis just to fit an insurance mold.

Ever heard of couples feeling like it’s two against one in therapy? That’s often because many counselors are trained to focus on the individual, not the “We.” And while saving some cash with insurance sounds tempting, research has shown that couples who go this route with individual-focused therapists often face even higher divorce rates than if they were to do nothing at all.

So, let’s focus on building that amazing “We” together, without letting insurance dictate our path.

Building a stronger bond in your marriage requires intention, effort, and time. Here’s how our journey can look:

• Weekly Sessions: Initially, I recommend weekly sessions to establish momentum. As we progress and you start building new habits, we might opt for occasional breaks to fit your busy schedule.
• Marriage Intensives: For those looking for a deep dive, I offer marriage intensives where we work together for 2-3 full days. This immersive experience is followed by monthly sessions over the next three months to ensure sustained growth and progress.
• Flexible Availability: I understand the challenges of juggling work, family, and personal time. That’s why I offer regular late-night sessions and even the occasional weekend emergency session to accommodate busy parents and professionals.
• Limited Clients: I prioritize quality over quantity. I onboard only a few clients each month for my one-to-one VIP program, ensuring that I’m available every week you wish to connect.

Remember, just like any new habit, strengthening your relationship will take time, but I’m here to guide and support you every step of the way.

At the heart of my approach is a deeply relational touch. While I’ve embraced online coaching platforms, they’re tools to enhance, not replace, our genuine human connection. Clients often express surprise and appreciation for the unexpected “face to face” intimacy and flexibility of meeting online. The convenience of attending from their own space and having the option to meet at unconventional hours, such as after the kids are asleep, has proven invaluable. Meeting on Zoom has eliminated some of the traditional hassles of commuting to an office, sitting in a waiting room, and coordinating childcare.

I’ve also worked with couples where one partner travels frequently for work. I recall an early attempt at online counseling where a wife was in my office, and we connected with her husband, who was traveling, via Skype. As time has evolved, the world has embraced online interactions. Now, equipped with professional-grade cameras and microphones, I can engage with couples even more clearly than when they sat across from me in my office. My shift to online was a proactive decision I made, even before the pandemic became a global concern, ensuring I was ahead of the curve and prepared to serve my clients in the best way possible.

Above all, please know that your comfort, experience, and privacy are always my top priorities.

Your time is invaluable, and I deeply respect that. I offer a range of session formats – from 15 minute check-in “accountability” calls, 30, 60, 90 and 120 minute video calls to weekend intensives – all designed to accommodate your demanding schedule. In fact my VIP clients get my personal cell phone and access to my calendar where they can quickly schedule a session as needed. I’m not like the large “agencies” where the employee-counselors are overloaded with clients. I’m selective and only work with clients whom I’m able and willing to dive all in with for a season set aside for rapid growth. Together, we’ll find a rhythm that aligns with your commitments while ensuring our sessions are productive and meaningful.

The high-achieving lifestyle often comes with its own set of challenges, including travel and unpredictable schedules. Flexibility is paramount. In fact, the need for adaptability was a driving force behind my decision to offer online sessions long before the pandemic nudged other providers in that direction. I’ve consistently worked with couples whose roles and responsibilities made regular, in-person commitments challenging. Drawing from this experience, I’m adept at accommodating your unique scheduling needs. If, for some reason, one of you can’t attend a scheduled session, we can either reschedule or proceed with an individual session for the available partner. The primary objective is to maintain continuity and steady progress, ensuring that, despite life’s unpredictabilities, your relationship always remains front and center.