Getting Married? Prepare For Disaster? Really?

My thoughts on the Wall Street Journal’s article

Are you getting married? If you are, you may have encountered various thoughts on the best way to prepare yourself for marriage. I read an article in The Wall Street Journal that I thought was an interesting read. The title suggests that one should be “prepared” for the difficulties that will likely come in a marriage…but they are specifically referring to the hurricane or snowstorm that might mess up your “Wedding Day” itself. They suggest that you look into an insurance policy that will reimburse you should you be so unfortunate as to experience a rainy day wedding.

It’s an interesting perspective given the priority that our culture places on marriage. I would argue that the more valuable “insurance policy” for couples considering marriage would be to invest their time, effort and money into finding out if they are ready to be married.

They should be asking the tough questions such as: “Do I really know who I am entering into this covenant with? Do I really know myself?”

A good course of pre-marriage counseling with a qualified therapist or counselor can help a couple explore a variety of issues that will arise over the course of their marriage. It is wise for couples to dive deep into the areas of their lives that will significantly impact the direction their lives take as individuals and as a new family. The way in which they deal, or don’t deal, with these issues prior to, and early on in marriage typically has a direct impact on the quality of their relationships throughout time.

The following is a general list of areas needing deeper exploration prior to saying, “I do.”

• Family of Origin, and subsequent views regarding parenting and children
• Values and beliefs: issues around spirituality and ethics
• Expectations around lifestyle, roles, etc.
• Personality traits and the needs of each person
• Handling of money
• Communication and conflict styles

If you are getting married, please allow me to suggest that you find a qualified marriage counselor, clergy, or lay person, trained in using a premarital assessment such as Prepare-Enrich, or my own TRIM Marriage Assessment. One of the things I love about a good assessment is that it focuses on both your strengths, as well as the areas it identifies you’ll struggle with the most. Give it a try, it’s a great place to start!

As always, if I can help you in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can learn more about pre-marital counseling with me here.